May you have peace within today
May you trust that you are exactly
where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts you have received,
and pass on the love
that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself
just the way you are.
                — Prayer of St. Theresa

Dear Friends,

I invite you to find some quiet time over the Thanksgiving weekend to curl up and enjoy this essay, from my heart to yours, about the beauty of Receiving. (My First Reader reports a reading time of about 8 minutes.) It’s dedicated to those generous and tired kindred spirits who dream of having a Magical Assistant cheerfully handle The Holidays chores starting to weigh heavily on their shoulders.

Why, just imagine receiving the gifts of…

• Being cheerful, rested and relaxed while preparing, cooking for and hosting Holiday gatherings!
• Feeling pleasure in shopping for, wrapping, mailing, and giving Holiday gifts!
• Arriving at early January, healthy, refreshed and eager for the New Year!

Read on for a possible Blueprint for Harmonious Holidays, friends.

Thanksgiving is my very favorite time of year because it celebrates the life-giving Attitude of Gratitude that keeps me sane and balanced year-round. Yet, I notice how my Attitude of Gratitude is easily overwhelmed when The Holiday Frenzy kicks into full gear.

THE HOLIDAY FRENZY

By Halloween, red and green signs pop up counting down the number of Shopping Days remaining ‘til THE HOLIDAYS are upon us. Ads for Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday abound on large and pocket screens. Snail-mail boxes overflow with appeals from worthwhile charities. There are stacks of glossy catalogs featuring gorgeously photographed models hawking alluring products that tempt me to violate my budget. They whisper, “Go ahead, buy one or more item for your loved ones. And then, why not buy one for yourself? You deserve it!”

Everywhere I go people—women, not men—begin The Holiday Frenzy Conversation, “What are your plans for The Holidays?”

This opener is followed by sincere commiserations:

• “There’s too much to do.”
• “There’s not enough time/money/help to get it all done.”
• “I have to do everything. The only thing my husband does is carve the turkey. My kids just show up, eat and leave.”
• “I dread planning a menu that meets everyone’s dietary restrictions.”
• “I’m coming down with something but I can’t get sick. Everyone is depending on me. It’s my turn to host.”
• “I am the matriarch now. The family is expecting me to carry on the traditions.”

Then there are the tender souls facing the excruciating experience of the first holidays since a loved one has passed away. These folk are advised to create new traditions for the New Normal. Even for the most creative souls among us, facing the raw reality of the empty seat at the table while imagining new rituals can be a bridge too far.

ASKING FOR HELP

As I described in my August essay, Contemplating the Beauty of Unity, I ignored what my body was saying, did not ask for help until the last minute, and ended up needing (minor) emergency heart surgery. I’ve spent the past two and half months pondering the many questions that incident forced me to explore:

• What does it mean to ask for help?
• What are the childhood roots of my reluctance to ask for help?
• Why is it so hard to change this pattern?
• When did I disconnect from the body’s messages?
• What do I need to change in myself in order to improve the quality of life in the remaining years of my Elderhood?

I’ve heard from many that I’m not alone with these questions. The incident was a blessing in disguise. I expect this exploration will continue…

A BLUEPRINT FOR HARMONIOUS HOLIDAYS

My Magical Assistant (I call her the Divine Divi) gives me a peaceful dream about the holiday season.

I’m a small child walking through light-filled rooms, holding hands with my beloved parents. They delight in my happiness and innocence, sharing my wonder and awe. It’s like we’re in a huge ball of of golden love-light flowing all around us. We are so happy to be together.

The next morning, my pillow is damp. I tell Divi, “I want that dream for my holiday. But how??? Please help, I’m stuck!” Here’s what I heard her whisper:

• Translate the feelings and memories from your dream into the experience you want to create for yourself this year.
• How are those feelings different from past Holiday times?
• What is one pivotal constrictive thought about the Holidays that you need to let go of this year?
• How would changing that one constrictive thought change your communication and actions?

Over the next few days, Divi suggests that I think of Holidays Past and consider making some new constructive Self-Promises. For example…

• I promise to remember that I’m a Part of Life, not apart from Life.
• I promise to remember that the Holidays are about embodying Love.
• I promise to RECEIVE all the Love, Delight, Joy and Innocent Wonder surrounding me at this time.
• I promise to share my vision of a more Harmonious Holiday experience for All involved with my family and friends.
• I promise to Look for the Helpers, as Mr. Rogers encouraged us to do

• I promise to Simplify, Simplify, Simplify.
  • I promise to be kind to Penny, my inner Perfectionist as she plays hostess, telling her, “Penny, honey, breathe! It’s good enough. Don’t fuss. Enjoy loving on folk and feeling their love.”
  • I promise to simplify my to-do/gift lists/greeting card/meal plan/ decorating plan lists.
  • I promise to review the above lists with my husband and family, gracefully allowing them to make further cuts to the lists.
  • I promise to share these tasks, and let go of the constrictive and erroneous thought that it’s all up to me!
    • New thought: I’m giving others the joy of offering their energy and talents to the holiday experience.

• I promise to practice healthy Self-Care.
  • I promise to get extra rest and sleep; to make time for stillness and meditation so that the Holiday Frenzies don’t keep me off balance.
  • I promise to protect my boundaries. Watch for red flags, such as feeling “selfish” and/or having an attack of the “Shoulds.
    • Remember this means I’m going into old childhood survival modes of people pleasing, placating, etc.
    • Remember this means I’m losing touch with my authentic adult self.
  • I promise to keep my agreement with Life to Ask for What I Need and to Offer only What I Can.
• I promise to CELEBRATE how liberating it feels to shift from Frenzy to Harmony!

BLUEPRINT BABY STEPS

So there it is, my friends, a possible Blueprint for your very own Harmonious Holidays. Like everything else in life, it begins with baby steps:

• A clear vision of the joyful experience you intend to create this Holiday Season. Dream a little dream!
• A shift into understanding that you and you alone are the one responsible for creating your own experience. Go ahead and Receive! Stop with the martyr stuff! (Okay, allow yourself 5 minutes a day for a Hard Times session and then let go of the whining.)
• Adopt a willingness to include others in your vision and to Look for the Helpers.
• A promise to yourself to keep it simple, to share the load, and most important, to do the next small thing to express the Season’s values.
• A commitment to healthy self-care.

Thank you for the blessing of your readership, friends.

May your hearts be merry and bright, dear friends. May Peace on Earth prevail. May you be a Bringer of Light and Peace in 2020. May you walk in Beauty now and all the days of your life.

p.s. I welcome your comments about your thoughts, feelings and plans for the holidays. If you like this essay, please share it with one friend!

I hope you enjoy the new look of the Designs for Peace website (now on the WordPress platform) that my beloved Harry Hitzeman, Jr. worked so diligently to bring to you. If you’d like to have a free consultation to discuss designing or updating your website, contact Harry at hhhitzeman@gmail.com